100 Things to Do Before I Die

Considering the unlikely event of my death (with recent scientific advances and my upper class income, it could be possible that I will become immortal) I have made a list of 100 things I should do before I die. A few things about this list:

It is not universal. Though everyone should want to do these things, they are not feasible for absolutely every person. (Some of them are quite unfeasible for me, even. Hard as it is to believe, I cannot do everything as perfectly as I do some things.)

It is not complete. There are, of course, things that don't appear on this list that I would also want to do before I die. For example, "eat chocolate cake" is not on this list, but I would sure like to repeat those experiences.

It is not entirely serious. I know some of these things are not possible for humans. I know that some of these things are mutually exclusive. That doesn't matter. In a perfect world, I could do all these things.

Carats that point up indicate related items.
Here we go:

1. Pistol whip someone
2. Menace someone with a broken bottle in a bar fight.
3. Be in a bar fight.
4. Be in a bar fight and beat multiple opponents singe-handedly.
5. See the great wall of China
6. Go into space
7. Fly a jumbo jet
8. Visit Syria (land of my grandfather!)
9. Go to Oktoberfest
10. Skydive
11. Be hit on by a supermodel
11. Hit on a supermodel
12. Be hit on by a midget, but reject him/her.
13. Play basketball and not embarrass myself.
14. Dance onstage and not embarrass myself.
15. Dribble between my legs and not look like a foo'.
16. Survive my 21st birthday.
17. Never take another shot of cinnamon.
18. Punch a random stranger with no provocation.
19. Get a puppy, raise to maturity.
20. Climb Mt. Everest.
21. Run with a pack of wolves.
22. Run with the bulls.
23. Go to the Superbowl.
24. Get elected to exec board.
25. Meet Ben Roethilsberger.
26. Do a power 2-hours.
27. Make my own jerky.
28. See the Hobbit movies at midnight.
29. Get tapped for an MU secret society.
30. Shoot a dangerous animal while it is charging me.
Say the following phrases to someone (in complete seriousness):
31. "I wish I knew how to quit you!"
32. "I am not the father."
33. "Are you kidding? This is an eight thousand dollar suit."
34. "What seems to be the officer, problem?"
35. "I've made a huge mistake."
36: "Of course I'm being serious. This is my serious face."
37. Go to Duke University School of Law.
38. Move to the south. (Like the nice south, not like Mississippi)
39. Tame a predatory animal. (Wolf, killer whale, etc.)
40. Wear colors so pastel-bright that it is actually painful to look at me.
41. Be charged with a felony, but be found not guilty in a dramatic case.
42. Get the words "Not all those who wander are lost" tattooed on my back.
43. Get this painting tattooed on my opposite shoulder blade: http://www.imagekind.com/Ryu-sho-ten-Dragon-Rising-to-the-Heavens_art?IMID=0afb0cc6-90d6-4769-84fe-b603a8c4275a
44. Bench 285.
45. Squat 250.
46. Learn to throw a football correctly.
47. Learn to throw a baseball correctly.
48. Play a game of strip poker.
49. Join a co-ed recreational softball league and take it way too seriously.
50. Visit Dubai.
51. Ski in the indoor mountain in Dubai.
52. Work in a corner office with some sort of huge window and a city scape view.
53. Be able to drink single-malt scotch or fine whiskey and enjoy it, not just pretend to. (Not shots)
54. Call another professor out on being racist in a huge lecture class.
55. Use the integrated toilet that comes in a space suit.
56. Prosecute a major, dramatic case where the defendant is found guilty.
57. Be held in contempt of court for a dramatic yet justified outbreak of rage while at trial.
58. Read the Lord of the rings books 50 times in my life.
59. See the last Harry Potter movie at midnight, in costume.
60. Cry at the ending of a movie. Like for real.
61. Make a professor cry in class. This can happen in any way.
62. Be able to pay for a BMW in full, in cash. (and not something lame like a 1 series. Like an M3)
63. Investigate a crime scene.
64. Investigate a crime scene when I'm not a cop and there aren't cops present.
65. ^^^ enact some vigilante justice.
66. Survive some kind of apocalypse. (Disease, nuclear, whatever happens.)
67. ^^Rebuild society, declare myself King of something not usually ruled by Monarchy. (ex: "King of Oregon")
68. Ride a horse across the plains, at full gallop.
69. Hunt with a bow and arrow from horseback. Not like a rabbit either, like a buffalo.
70. See Florence and the Machine in concert.
71. See Kanye in concert.
72. See Eminem in concert.
73. Shoot a flamethrower.
74. Be offered crack cocaine but politely decline.
75. Learn to speak 4 languages. (Not including Elvish)
76. Visit the south coast of Spain. It's supposed to be nice in summer.
77. Visit Moscow but not enjoy it.
78. Use the phrase "irony" correctly.
79. Never use quotation fingers again.
80. Drive through Detroit and survive.
81. Draw a picture of people without stick figures being involved.
82. Drop a bomb on something from a plane.
83. Get married.
84. Have some kids of an indeterminate number.
85. Be told that "I am the worst person (another person) has ever met."
86. Throw out the first pitch of the K.C. Royals' season.
87. Meet Angelina Jolie, get her phone number, but never call her because she's crazy.
88. Swim with a dolphin.
89. Delicately clean oil spill residue off an endangered species.
90. Drive a car 200 mph.
91. Be in a drag race.
92. Act in an action movie, even has an extra who just gets blown up.
93. Punch through a wall.
94. Have my wife bear me a male heir.
95. Live to see my great-grandchildren.
96. Stab somebody in the sternum with an epinephrine pen in order to save their life.
97. Free some prisoners from wrongful incarceration. (POW's or a jail. Doesn't matter.)
98. Start a riot.
99.^^ Light a car on fire.
100. ^^^Fight some looters for the last TV in a Best Buy or something.

Bonus round:

101. Kill a vampire with a stake.
102. Own a motorcycle.
103. Jump my motorcycle over a river.
104. Draw some blueprints.
105. Never play World of Warcraft.
106: Be applauded with great vigor.
107. Pound my fist on a table to make a point. (During a speech.)
108. Disrespect a stranger (female) so much that she slaps me in the face.
109. Disrespect a stranger (male) so much that he tries to punch me. I of course block the punch and disable him however I see fit.
110: Throw a knife and have it hit my intended target.
111: Throw an Axe Bomb at someone. (Where you duct tape a can of Axe body spray to the "spray" position and throw it into someone's room.)
112: Shoot a big sniper rifle.
113: Kick someone in the chest and have them fall through a giant pane of glass behind them. (Not necessarily a window. It can be any kind of large glass.)
114: See every episode of The Office to its completion, no matter how much it may suck.
115: Make someone leave me alone with just an angry glare.
116: Captain an aircraft carrier.
117: ^^^Be referred to as "Admiral."
118: Never shave any part of my body besides my face.
119: Resist the urge to clothesline children as they run about.
120: Burn down a building. (Not with anybody inside. That's awful)
121: ^^^Be a successful arsonist.
122: Videotape something that gets on the news.
123: Start a company.
124: Run without an odd loping stride.
125: Punch a Disney executive in the face. They deserve it for so many things, but primarily The Cheetah Girls, parts 1 and 2.

/list.

I hope everyone enjoyed it. If you did, comment below. If you didn't also comment below. I love feedback more than I love most people.

-Max

P.S. Everybody read the blogs belonging to Brandon Foster, Dylan Chapman, Garrett Richie, Katarina Sostaric, Rob Langellier and his cult, Jimmy Hibsch, and Allison Pohle. They are superior to mine in so many ways.