The 5 Most Frustrating Things People Do in Online Gaming

I was reading a little article written by cracked.com on the "7 Biggest Dick Moves in Online Gaming" that featured 7 ridiculous moments in MMORPG history. Having never been an MMORPG player (World of Warcraft, EVE online, Second Life, all things that people with 0 lives do) I decided to make a similar list to chronicle the five most controller-chucking, heart-stopping, keyboard-pounding moments experienced while playing games online.

If you don't play video games, there ain't nothing for you here. (Besides amazing writing and hilarity.)

5. The Zergling Rush

Many people who have never played Starcraft/Starcraft 2 use the verb "zerg" to mean "ultimately destroy." (I promise you this happens. I've heard it about...7 times.) This comes from a pesky strategy some players use while playing the race of Zerg in Starcraft, which are basically these evil little bug aliens that want to consume all life in the galaxy.

He looks like a douchebag, doesn't he?

Allow me to set the scene. You're working away in your tiny base. It's early in the game and you're feeling good. No defenses are up, because early defense is for pussies. You're tooling away at building your buildings and gathering minerals and feel hopeful and positive that you're going to win.

Suddenly, TINY BUGS RAMPAGE EVERYWHERE.

Remember that time you were having fun?

This strategy is the equivalent of, when playing chess, all your opponents pawns suddenly destroy all your pieces. Or it's like 12 3 ft. tall douchers punching a struggling man to death, or 200 toddlers attacking you as you walk down the street. It's a quick end to your fun for that game.


4. Being Yelled at by 7 year Olds

It can happen to anyone. You can be playing Halo, or Call of Duty, or anything you like. All of a sudden, a high pierced shriek cuts through your speakers and tells you he's going to do your mom after he kills you and burns down your house.

You may not know it, but this little chubby guy is the devil.

This can only happen online. People who have not entered puberty do not often threaten adult strangers with death and sexual violence in the real world. If this happened, I would definitely not be afraid to curb stomp his baby fat into the gutter. When it happens online, you're helpless. Thankfully, these kids usually suck and you can yell obscenities at them post-game.


3. Spawn Camping

For those who don't know, when you die in Call of Duty or Halo, you respawn .(Note: real life does not work like this.) You get a chance to take your revenge upon your murderers with your virtual bullets. Spawn camping is where people who hate all living things wait right outside your respawn area and riddle your fresh clone with bullets before you have a chance to move.

Allow me to murder your hopes of redemption.

Besides being unfair, this kills any hope of game justice. How can you expect to redeem your mistakes when you cant move any longer in the game? For people who have lives, imagine a grown person walking into the delivery room 3 seconds after your wife gives birth and punching your newborn baby in the face. That's basically what this is.

2. People who speak in acronyms.

This is disturbingly common. You can be having a nice time and still have faith in humanity, when, out of nowhere, someone screams "ROFL GG YOU R SOOOO DEAD NEXT TIME NOOB"

There's a reason keyboards like this don't exist.

It's true that people are this stupid, unfortunately.


1. Corpse Humping

You die in video games. It happens. Then, suddenly, your murderer (or just a bystander) crouches his little virtual character on your dead body as you wait to respawn. Is there no dignity for the dead?

Sometimes, death isn't enough.

This is like saying "If I killed you in real life I'd probably dangle my balls in your face right after just so you'd know who won here."


/nerdiness.

That's enough for now. I hope this was funny for people regardless of their taste in hobbies.

-Max

I Believe That:

Preface: This is perhaps my most interesting post to date, and possible the most interesting thing I will ever write. It will likely be disjointed and follow lines of logic that only I can understand. For once in my life, grammar and syntax will come second to explanation of my points. This was inspired by a 2:30-3:00 a.m. drive through Kansas City and a too-deep conversation with Matt Cox after a typical night at the Camarata Cigar Porch. Perhaps it's just the excessive nicotine in my system after burning down a 7'' cigar down to a nub, but I appear to have reached some sort of philosophical revelation which will be explained now. You have been warned.

These are facts that I know:
3/10 of the country's richest families live in Kansas City.
My father is the smartest person I have ever met. The smartest person in history is Ayn Rand, followed by Aristotle.
I am dropping a German double major and a Psychology minor to pursue a double major in Strategic Communications and Philosophy with a German minor.
Post college, I do not know my plans. I may go to law school or may pursue a career as a writer, depending on the economic viability of the latter.

I am confident, chauvinistic, and driven. I am selfish, dedicated, and single-minded. I believe firmly in my ideals and don’t believe in a life without them.

The societal, economic, and civil decline of the world is now more prominent than ever. Africa has collapsed, if it were ever standing upright. The Middle East, mired in centuries of radical religion and dictatorship, is quickly folding. Europe is declining. We all know that North America is declining quickly. Though East Asia is growing at an incredible rate, the pace of technology and consumption in the world cannot be sustained forever.

They say humans only use 10% of their brain power. I believe that this is the only time in my life I have exceeded this "limit." I don't know by how much, but I think that, if I ever will, this is the point.

The Earth's society is now entering a state where we do not see beyond our own homes, much less our class, much less our country, much less our planet, much less other planets, and not at all The Universe.

Eventually, everything on Earth will be destroyed. Whether it is in 12 billion years when the Sun goes into a Red Giant stage and everything is consumed or in 6 months when the nuclear option is realized, the state of life we have now will not be maintained forever.

We are not a blip on the Universe's radar, and I am not a blip on the Earth’s. If the Earth’s society is destroyed, the worst event possible (to me) is my death. If I die, I will have no concept of the state of the world or how I died. It shall be the end of myself and the end of my control on my life.

The images of stars we look up to every night are merely portraits of the stars hundreds or thousands of years ago and their light just now reaching the Earth. If we ever discover life beyond the world, we will never meet it without faster-than-light travel Besides that. I, certainly, will not see it.

If Earth were to be wiped off the face of the galaxy and the universe, A) none of us would ever know and B) the Universe would not change in any way. It does not matter to me if existence is expanding or contracting in size or if bacteria and amino acids are slowly coalescing into life somewhere else, for I will never witness it. If alien civilizations like ours are looking at our stars and wondering the same things, none of us are privy to their thoughts we likely will never be.

I am not a man of faith, so I don’t believe in an afterlife. I would only like to think of one in the sense that I could observe the events of time after my demise.

There is so much (an infinite amount, even) to see, and I will never see it. There are things on Earth I will never see, and there are things in the solar system I will never see, and there are things in our galaxy and beyond that none of us will ever see. I cannot perceive 99.999 to the infinite digit of the events of time and there is no hope for further progress in that number.

That being said:

The thoughts above are depressing and true, but, in a sense, heartening. Humanity is granted significance through our insignificance. Our control over our world is just that—our control over our world. We each have a small bit of it and we alone determine the future of our species. Because we are not a blip on the radar of the Universe, then the radar of the Universe is meaningless to us. The limits of our horizons only make the things within the boundaries that much more powerful.

The events in my life are acted upon by forces outside my control, but, ultimately, I have the control over everything that happens to me, and, therefore, so does everyone.

My life is the limit of my means, and I am my own end. The same goes for everyone and everything in existence. Our time on Earth or wherever we may be is all we can ask for and expect, and the quality of our lives is the only thing about which we may be concerned. I will go to law school if I am happy there. I believe in the upholding of law and its principles. I will be a writer if I am happy. I believe in the force of sharing my views with others and the impact I can have through that medium.

That is the ultimate point of this post—we all must do what we can to be happy. Whether that is marriage and love, wealth and foreign cars, or heroin is up to the respective person. My own life is the only thing I am given, and what I can do with it is the limit of my existence.

I believe firmly in the ideals of productivity, selfishness, and internal motivation and focus for these reasons. I was not put on Earth to make other people happy.

“The man who speaks of to you of sacrifice speaks of slaves and masters. And he intends to be the master.”

That is another point entirely. My main point to communicate is: do what you can to be happy and satisfied with the time you are given. That is not justification to hurt others or worship your small whims. What you do to further your life is your own concern and only yours, but it is not reason to step over a mound of bodies to achieve it.

Again, rambling. I am going to sound completely unlike myself, but do what you love. What you love makes you happy, and happiness and satisfaction should be your ultimate goal.

Whether you confess your love over Facebook in gut-wrenching, sickening displays of affection (you know who you are) or keep it private between the people involved, though it may be just as serious and devoted, is the choice of the respective people. One is not superior to another, and whatever makes you happy is the right choice.

/ramble.

That was perhaps intense. I’m definitely having a surreal night, and hope I can actually stick to these beliefs. I also hope people may read this and care about it, but, then again, if they don’t, it made me feel better to write, and, sticking to the above principles, that’s the important thing.

I wish I could expand this further, but I wanted to get my thoughts out as soon as possible. Also, it’s quite late, and I have simulated galactic battlefields to conquer before bed. Expect returns to normal posts after this—my insistence on seriousness is blessedly limited.

Thank you,

-Max

P.S. If anybody has any opinion on the above, feel free to share it. My logic makes sense to me, but may not to most.

P.P.S. Florence + The Machine is my soundtrack to my deep thoughts and is one of my favorite bands. Check it out.

P.P.P.S. That's some heavy dope.