The 5 Most Frustrating Things People Do in Online Gaming

I was reading a little article written by cracked.com on the "7 Biggest Dick Moves in Online Gaming" that featured 7 ridiculous moments in MMORPG history. Having never been an MMORPG player (World of Warcraft, EVE online, Second Life, all things that people with 0 lives do) I decided to make a similar list to chronicle the five most controller-chucking, heart-stopping, keyboard-pounding moments experienced while playing games online.

If you don't play video games, there ain't nothing for you here. (Besides amazing writing and hilarity.)

5. The Zergling Rush

Many people who have never played Starcraft/Starcraft 2 use the verb "zerg" to mean "ultimately destroy." (I promise you this happens. I've heard it about...7 times.) This comes from a pesky strategy some players use while playing the race of Zerg in Starcraft, which are basically these evil little bug aliens that want to consume all life in the galaxy.

He looks like a douchebag, doesn't he?

Allow me to set the scene. You're working away in your tiny base. It's early in the game and you're feeling good. No defenses are up, because early defense is for pussies. You're tooling away at building your buildings and gathering minerals and feel hopeful and positive that you're going to win.

Suddenly, TINY BUGS RAMPAGE EVERYWHERE.

Remember that time you were having fun?

This strategy is the equivalent of, when playing chess, all your opponents pawns suddenly destroy all your pieces. Or it's like 12 3 ft. tall douchers punching a struggling man to death, or 200 toddlers attacking you as you walk down the street. It's a quick end to your fun for that game.


4. Being Yelled at by 7 year Olds

It can happen to anyone. You can be playing Halo, or Call of Duty, or anything you like. All of a sudden, a high pierced shriek cuts through your speakers and tells you he's going to do your mom after he kills you and burns down your house.

You may not know it, but this little chubby guy is the devil.

This can only happen online. People who have not entered puberty do not often threaten adult strangers with death and sexual violence in the real world. If this happened, I would definitely not be afraid to curb stomp his baby fat into the gutter. When it happens online, you're helpless. Thankfully, these kids usually suck and you can yell obscenities at them post-game.


3. Spawn Camping

For those who don't know, when you die in Call of Duty or Halo, you respawn .(Note: real life does not work like this.) You get a chance to take your revenge upon your murderers with your virtual bullets. Spawn camping is where people who hate all living things wait right outside your respawn area and riddle your fresh clone with bullets before you have a chance to move.

Allow me to murder your hopes of redemption.

Besides being unfair, this kills any hope of game justice. How can you expect to redeem your mistakes when you cant move any longer in the game? For people who have lives, imagine a grown person walking into the delivery room 3 seconds after your wife gives birth and punching your newborn baby in the face. That's basically what this is.

2. People who speak in acronyms.

This is disturbingly common. You can be having a nice time and still have faith in humanity, when, out of nowhere, someone screams "ROFL GG YOU R SOOOO DEAD NEXT TIME NOOB"

There's a reason keyboards like this don't exist.

It's true that people are this stupid, unfortunately.


1. Corpse Humping

You die in video games. It happens. Then, suddenly, your murderer (or just a bystander) crouches his little virtual character on your dead body as you wait to respawn. Is there no dignity for the dead?

Sometimes, death isn't enough.

This is like saying "If I killed you in real life I'd probably dangle my balls in your face right after just so you'd know who won here."


/nerdiness.

That's enough for now. I hope this was funny for people regardless of their taste in hobbies.

-Max